Village Square Pizza Dishes Out Incredible 'Pandemic-Proof' Pizza Slices

When Village Square Pizza opened in April 2019, Barstool Sports founder and One Bite pizza reviewer Dave Portnoy issued probably the meanest good review I’ve ever seen. Speaking on-camera to one of the Village Square co-founders, Portnoy declared he had just come back from Las Vegas and was "on a different planet … so tired … I have no feeling, I have no compassion, I have no nothin,” then took a bite of a plain cheese slice. And another. And another and another. One bite, everyone knows the rules!

After a long and funny stare-down with the co-founder, a few peremptory finger raises and several more bites, Portnoy finally came out with his verdict: 7.6 out of 10. “It’s a good, solid slice.” The disappointment from the co-founder was palpable and more than a little awkward — he took a step back, grimaced, tossed his towel over his shoulder and shook his head, saying he had been hoping for a score "in the 8’s, the high 8’s.”

Portnoy has a powerful stamp of approval in the New York pizza game, in addition to his full-time job as head of Barstool Sports, and part-time gig as leader of the day-trader revolution. Some pizzerias proudly list his One Bite scores on their windows; a score above 8 is generally considered exceptional, and less than 5% — by my tally — of Dave’s 932 reviews have ever gotten above an 8.5.

I give Portnoy respect as an industrious, hilarious, well-seasoned pizza reviewer, but I take umbrage with his Village Square verdict. There are maybe a few factors at play with judging a new pizzeria, but ultimately, I think that a) Portnoy should have gotten a square Sicilian pepperoni slice, ideally with a squirt of Mike's Hot Honey, and b) Portnoy should not have been tired for the review.

When it comes to creative, delicious — dare I say beautiful? — Silician-style pizza, Village Square doesn’t just make a "good, solid slice," they make one of the best.

My first Village Square lunch of the new year, earlier today, was as excellent as every time before, maybe even better because I took a risk and got a vodka slice. I’m always tempted by vodka slices — that beautiful pink creamy sauce is quite photogenic — but as with anything a little left-of-center, I’m a little weary of the opportunity cost of not staying with basic pepperoni.

I’m glad I took the leap into vodka-land. I can’t say this was the best vodka slice in the city, because again, I have very few points of comparison, but this was a VERY good slice. The bright, rich, spicy-sweet layer of vodka sauce was about as thick as the mozzarella; the soft, chewy Silician-style crust was perfectly capable of handling the load. I ate this pizza methodically, bite-and-chew-and-swallow-and-bite style — quite a departure from my normal style of tearing and gnashing and tearing again and almost-choking and swallowing and shoveling. I think alcohol in the sauce tends to have a maturing effect on consumption.

After the vodka slice came my tried-and-true favorite, a pepperoni-and-sausage slice with a drizzle of Mike’s Hot Honey. Hot honey on pizza, also, is one of those grown-man choices you make once you discover your taste buds can handle more than just cheese, sauce and bread. The burst of sugar pairs perfectly with Village Square’s cup-and-char baby pepperoni’s. Again, the mozzarella is heavy on these slices, enough to encompass the sausage knuckles and pepperoni in robes of cheesy goodness with each bite.

Because I disagree with Dave Portnoy on his score, I’m going to play by his rules and go on a 10 point scale; Village Square Pizza deserves an 8.8 out of 10. High-quality, hot, fresh, creative, cheesy, meaty, spicy-and-sweet, Instagrammable — Village Square has all the ingredients for a new New York classic.

Village Square, don’t listen to El Prez — your pies are amazing. Keep makin’ ‘em.

Until next time.